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Nona Lea's avatar

I kinda want the last two lines to also have the final words in each line be "u" words to make an interesting pattern. It might also make the final lines a bit more original as well and emphasize your voice. Food for thought, of course

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Marc Brimble's avatar

Hi Nona. Yeah thank for the comment. My muse has disappeared and I haven't written anything for weeks, so I'm upcycling old stuff so i can keep to my quota of 1 poem per week, but yeah I agree this piece is weak

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Nona Lea's avatar

It sucks when the muse dries up. The good thing is that it'll always come back with a lot of amazing stuff. Also find using eco-friendly linguistic terms for poems in the drawer hilarious, but very apt.

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Michael's avatar

Good

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Marc Brimble's avatar

Thanks 👍

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